


Secrets

by ashtraythief



Series: Underneath 'verse [8]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Mob, Angst, M/M, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 00:01:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13042302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashtraythief/pseuds/ashtraythief
Summary: Jared has questions, Jensen struggles to find answers.Set a few months after Tightrope.





	Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> This happened in the process in editing the entire series.
> 
>  
> 
> ETA 12/22: Because some people were worried about the changes I made to Jensen's relationship with his family: Yes, there are some changes but when you read this part without reading the edited version, keep in mind that Jensen lies to Jared. I have mostly changed Jensen's relationship with his father and his mother a bit, his relationship to his siblings remains mostly the same (i.e. Jensen's brother did not leave the family to go off on a wrestling scholarship).
> 
>  
> 
> Many, many thanks to keep_waking_up and ilikaicalie for being awesome alpha and beta readers!
> 
> Happy Holiday every one!

 

 

“Do you have a passport?”

Jensen looked up from his book at Jared’s question. Outside, snow was softly falling. It was early December and it was way too cold for Jensen’s liking. They were lying on the bed, enjoying a slow Sunday morning, Jensen with his book, Jared reading the paper. At least Jensen had thought that was what they were doing.

“Of course I have a passport. You know that.”

Jared nodded. “Yes, but do you have a real one?”

Jensen forced his muscles not to tense up but it was hard without knowing where this line of questioning was going to go. “The TSA will think it’s real.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Don’t be obtuse.”

“Your questions are obtuse,” Jensen muttered and leaned in to kiss Jared. “Why are you asking about passports?”

Jared drew back, scrutinizing him. Jensen couldn’t help feeling twitchy.

Finally, Jared leaned back with weary eyes. “I wanted to suggest a trip over Christmas and if you travel with me, the FBI will be watching. So one of your alias IDs won’t cut it. So again, do you have a real passport?”

Jared still didn’t like Christmas. It was no wonder he wanted to get out of town.

Relieved, Jensen nodded. “Of course I do.”

Jared nodded, then got out of bed. He looked down at Jensen with raised eyebrows. “Will there ever come a time when you won’t think of running away first when I ask you a serious question? 

Jensen opened his mouth reflexively, but he couldn’t think of what to say.

Jared snorted, and turned around. He walked out of the room quickly but Jensen saw him drag a hand through his hair. Fuck. Jensen hadn’t even wanted to be standoffish. He should have handled this better but there hadn’t been an out-of-the-blue question about his papers in a long time. _Fuck_. He was going to have to make this up to Jared.

Jensen got out of bed, took a quick shower and then dug out the passport that said Jensen Campbell. He found Jared down in his study, brooding over what looked like business memos. Jensen put the passport on the table in front of him open to the page with his picture and his name.

“It says Jensen Campbell,” Jared said, voice tight.

Jensen nodded. “Yeah.”

Jared leaned back in his office chair, lips pursed slightly in annoyance. “So it’s not your real one.”

“Yes, it is,” Jensen shot back.

“Jensen, I know that’s not your real name.” Jared was trying to stay calm and collected, but Jensen could see his control fissuring, the anger creeping through.

Jensen snorted. “Yes, this is my real name. What, you want me to use the name my parents gave me? A name from a meth addict and a drunk gambler?”

Jared opened his mouth to say something but Jensen moved into his space, leaned against his desk. “When my mother named me she dreamed I’d be some proper little country boy. And my last name, from a guy who was killed by a bookie over three grand? That’s supposed to be real? That’s not me, Jared, and it never fucking was, okay?”

Jared’s eyes were hard. He wasn’t convinced.

Jensen slumped back against the desk. He needed to sell this, and he needed to make it good. He needed the truth—at least part of it.

“I never really fit in. I tried, growing up, but I was always different. My parents didn't get it. My sister was too young. My brother tried, but didn’t really get it either.”

“Your brother…” Jared stared at him incredulously.

Jensen froze minutely at his slip-up but then he waved Jared off. “We haven’t talked in over ten years. He’s my half-brother and he left on a wrestling scholarship when I was still in middle school. He fucking abandoned us for a glorified future with a wife, a dog, and a white picket fence.”

Jensen hadn’t been bitter when Johnny went to college. He’d mostly been envious that his brother managed to make his own plans for the future work within the family expectations. Johnny didn’t become a cop but he became a prosecutor, which, for their father, was the next best thing.

“I just… they didn’t get me.” Jensen rubbed his hands over his face and for a moment, he wasn’t sure what he was talking about. The lie and the truth were too close. But he needed to keep talking.

“They didn’t get that I wanted out. Not only out of the house, but out of the state, out of my entire life. I knew I wanted something else, something different because I was different. And it’s not just about being gay. I mean sure, that’s part of it. My—” Jensen caught himself just before he could say parents “—my mother didn’t hate me for it but she couldn’t understand either. Why I wanted to make my life harder. How I would be unhappy when I couldn't get married or have kids.” Jensen let out a harsh laugh. “Which I never even wanted. She thought it was because I was gay. She didn’t understand that I just didn’t want that kind of life.”

Jensen huffed. It might actually be better if his mother blamed his aversion to children on being gay—that way he’d never have to explain something to her that she wouldn’t be able to compute anyway. For his mother, children were an inevitable part of a good Christian life. But because Jensen didn’t fit into that, everything else that was wrong with him could be blamed on that.

“They never understood,” Jensen said, and he didn’t quite manage to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “So what you call my ‘real name,’ that has nothing to do with me. I am Jensen Campbell.”

“Okay.” Jared stood, stepped into his space. Slowly, but purposefully, he reached for Jensen, settled his hands on Jensen’s hips. “Now, I understand why you picked Jensen—it’s unusual enough—but Campbell?”

Jensen grinned. He parted his legs, making room for Jared in an obvious invitation. This was familiar ground. This, he could do.  “I like the soup.”

“Jensen.”

Jensen leaned up to nip at Jared’s lips. “Come on, you’ve got to let me have some secrets. How else am I gonna keep you interested, huh?”

“You don’t need secrets for that,” Jared said roughly, reaching behind Jensen and wiping his desk clean. Then he gripped Jensen tight and hoisted him up on his desk.

“I’ll tell you,” Jensen said when Jared was biting down his neck. “I’ll tell you everything. But I’ve got to do it on my terms.”

Jared started taking Jensen’s clothes off. “I know, sweetheart.”

When Jared finally pushed inside, languorously and completely, he took Jensen's mouth in a deep kiss. “I won’t wait forever.”

“You won’t have to,” Jensen said and kissed him back. He didn’t think about what that meant.

 


End file.
